pylertalma:

jillbert:

jillbert:

jillbert:

ONE OF OUR INSTRUCTORS ACCIDENTALLY GOT PAID $787,000 THIS MONTH IM WHEEZING, OMFG PAYROLL

A PAYROLL EMPLOYEE ENTERED 123 INSTEAD OF 1 SO HE GOT PAID 123 TIMES WHAT HE WAS SUPPOSED TO

this is the rare $786,708 payday. reblog to receive more money than you were expecting on your next paycheck 💫

I get paid on Thursday. C'mon Mildred in payroll with bad eyesight and those old, arthritic hands!! Do me a solid!

(via geminisaloud)

that-twink-over-there:

versacethotty:

me pitching a show to netflix: okay so queer eye but instead the gays fuck up the lives of men who deserve it

Queer Eye for an Eye

(via geminisaloud)

gayslimeblock:

My organs when I eat my first meal of the day at 5pm

(via geminisaloud)

kortopis:

bisexual culture is being very specific with the men you’re interested in but having absolutely no type when it comes to girls because they’re all so beautiful

(via izzawhat)

pupu-platter:

jly:

funnystories:

when I was little, I would go on Nickelodeon.com all the time and they had this game similar to club penguin except it was called Nicktropolis. and if you forgot your password, a security question you could choose was “what is your eye color?” and if you got it right it’d tell you your password. so I would go to popular locations in Nicktropolis and write down random usernames who were also in those areas, and then i would log out and type in the username as if it were my own and see which of these usernames had a security question set to “what is your eye color?” (which was most of them, since it was easy and we were all kids). i would then try either brown, blue, or green, and always get in, then I would go to their house and send all of their furniture and decorations to my own account’s. and if it I didn’t want it, i could sell it for money

I love robbery and fraud

(via that-one-marcus)

sashayed:

I’m covering a back to school event and I am a mess. just now as I was huddling in a corner sucking down coffee, a teen turned to me and asked innocently “Are you a freshman too?” and without even thinking I snarled “I am one HUNDRED years old”

(via evergreenafterall)

chamiryokuroi:

chamiryokuroi:

chamiryokuroi:

chamiryokuroi:

I will be participating on a guacamole contest tomorrow at work. My objective is not to win, but to make every single one of the judges cry.

I will add every single chili I am able to find at the store, all of them.

All the chilis I could find at the store… i wonder if it will be enough :P

Ready for the judges!!

So updates after the contest! I didn’t win.

This guacamole had the talent that when you take the first bite of your chip it isnt that spicy, but after a few seconds the feeling starts to spread. The judges bravely took a bite and were all happy and as I walked away from the table they started to gasp when the full force of the 6 different types of chili hit them at once.

People were free to taste it afterwards and every face of first surprise and then pain filled my heart with happiness.

I have never seen so much people enjoy suffering tho, because they finished everything so fast I even got time to make a second batch before the winners were announced.

Overall this was great and I had lots of fun making others suffer :D

(via notafuckingwaitress)

damespock:

i’m so glad earth only has one moon, if there were more i’d have to pick a favorite and that sounds too emotionally taxing to even fathom

(via daddyfuckedme)

horrorbisexual:

hermuis:

Girls get made fun of for everything might as well do what you want lol

not to be dramatic but this mentality literally freed me

(via aquamarinespinnerlover)